The Plan

I love getting to work early. There's an amazing sense of calm walking into a dark, quiet office. Early morning sun is painting the fresh October sky pink and gold. Normally I would miss that entirely. Funny what a difference an hour makes. 

That one hour is a big part of my plan. I'm not just trying to work in an exercise routine. I'm realigning priorities and taking initiatives to reduce stress and find more peace. 

Peace. Isn't that a beautiful word? I have found nothing in my life more motivating than that one ideal. I first discovered this as a teenager in my high school psychology class. My wise teacher gave us an assignment to right down all the people we admired in the world and then list their common traits. She then explained that the point of the exercise was to identify our own motivating ideals. The values we admire in others are the same values that motivate us.

Having that insight about myself makes planning for difficult changes a little easier. I know I will be more apt to wake up early and get things done if I tell myself how much peace this will bring to my day. So far it's been very effective.

Right now my plan consists of waking up an hour earlier than I used to, getting 30 to 45 minutes of exercise in and getting to work an hour early. The purpose is to get a jump on work and get things done sooner rather than stress about whether I can fit everything in to the day. If I do have to work long than I will get off at the same time I used to rather than throwing off the rest of my evening. Also, getting my exercise in early means I'm not dwelling on it all day and I get that little endorphin perk for an extra mood enhancing boost. Always helpful.

My next step after that is to find a really good Yoga class. I've done Yoga sporadically over the last ten years, so I know the benefits and I know it's a good fit for me. I've even considered certifying to teach Yoga. But for starters, I just want to get back into it with the guidance and extra support of a good class. 

 Perhaps this isn't the most elaborate of plans. I suppose there are other details floating around in my head but they aren't ready to be written down yet. In the past I would have sat down and outlined every minute of every day complete with weekly check off lists and five year goals. That's just not the right direction for me at this time. For now I'm content to let things gradually progress the way the sun is now peeking over the mountain and lighting up the orange trees on the horizon one by one. So peaceful. I wish you all could see this.  

Introductions

Staring at the pile of clothes next to the bed at two in the morning with a caffeine hangover and the considerable beginnings of a mid-life ulcer forming in my gut (the spot where I imagine I can feel the adrenaline surge every time anxiety smacks me) I finally gave in to the realization that sleep wasn't coming any time soon. 


It's not like me to loose sleep. It's also not like me to be the pitiful husk of a wretch that has been moping around in my skin the previous three days. Uncharacteristic stress over work and new concerns for my health have been feeding on themselves, creating the very realities I was afraid of. 


I know better than to feed that negative downward spiral, but that's what I was doing. And simply telling myself to stop wasn't all that effective. But something finally clicked for me there in the dark, listening to the rhythmic breath of the beautiful dreamer next to me and trying to force my thought train onto a more positive track. 

I stopped pushing, or worrying about the train at all and just let my mind wander. This is a trick I learned from my first mother-in-law. She was a hypnotherapist, and I was one of her guinea pigs while she was in training. The trick is to think of one simple, positive image relating to yourself and then follow the trail of where that leads. 

I started with an image of me in a white dress I used to love wearing when I was in college. I looked really good in that dress. This led to thoughts of a healthier time when I was dancing four or five hours a day on top of work and other school classes. A time before bunions and back surgery and the general fatigue that's been plaguing me of late. I remembered being strong and healthy and having a body at full capacity. 

Oddly enough, I then imagined being even more powerful and capable then I was back then. "Why not?" The question seemed almost to come from outside of me. A tantalizing speculation. What if I could be healthier at 40 then I had been at 20? I suppose it's possible. I don't see why not. I haven't been left debilitated by my back injury or other health issues. In fact, a little regular exercise would probably clear up a lot of the concerns I've had of late. 


Of course I've thought that a thousand times in the last few days. But there's a difference between berating yourself for what you're not doing and proposing a new vision of sorts. 

Along with the idea came a keen desire to document my journey. I want to be able to look back in a year or two or five and see the progress I've made. And I want proof of the work I'm putting in along the way. 

So here I am; recording for any who cares to see. I have a lot of ideas of where to go from here and what to include in this accounting, but the most important thing was just to get started - especially while the ideas were still fresh and exciting. 

I think this is enough rambling for now. I'll paint a clearer picture of my plans and intentions in future posts.